Exploding Attitude leads to Raging Anger

Now I’m not usually an angry person. I am somebody who usually keeps his anger in check in the outside world but when it comes to being at home, I develop this exploding attitude that develops into this raging anger at the slightest of provocation.

Challenge me and I am bound to explode at you. Now this isn’t something I am proud of and I often regret it as well but sometimes I feel that you have to let out a bit of steam. You can’t keep it bottled up inside you all day long.

That mask I put on in front of the world has to be put away when I come home and it frightens me what I am when the mask comes off. I prefer my masked self as it is much more civilized and gentle.

Now I don’t want to live my life without being myself. That would be living a lie but at the same time, I need to change my true self to become more like my fake personality so that I don’t end up ruining the relationships I have developed over the years. Life has such dilemma’s that sometimes I’m confused as to how I’m supposed to live my life.

Perhaps it’s just my fault for being such a sarcastic bastard. Maybe I should just try being nice all the time but that would be too similar to my fake personality. Do you know how hard it can be to be nice all day long? But how do I manage it at work all the time? This is really something I need to think about.

I think I’m just rambling now but it’s something that’s really bothering me. But there might be one other option. Perhaps I need to develop a new personality. Something that combines both my actual personality and a my fake work personality. I could call it ‘THE HYBRID’.

I could just leave my Hybrid Personality on all the time and leave it at that. Don’t have to worry about who I am currently playing and just live life in cruise control.

If anybody has any other idea’s for me, I would really appreciate them. Share your own problems as well below, if you have any such similar problems.


6 responses to “Exploding Attitude leads to Raging Anger

  1. I have personally struggled with this for a long time and there is no easy way out but if you try to actively change then it will get better. You need to learn to stop taking people for granted and see yourself in their shoes. The duel hybrid personality does sound good but rather than merge your so called real-self with your fake self, you need to rediscover who you are again. This in itself is so hard to do as the world we live in right now is a dark place and the only way to approach it is to put on a false persona. Sorry if this sounds all confusing but that just how I view things. Deep down we are all good people but we let the frustrations of the world manipulate us and hurt the people we love.

    Here are some small steps to help you not get as angry at home:
    1. Think for a second and take a deep breathe.
    2. Take your frustration out by picking up a new hobby or playing sports. Gaming is really good at that but it could make you more toxic to people you don’t know.
    3. Whenever you come home take a shower and try to let everything in the day go.

    I know it isn’t easy but its what has helped me change.

  2. I’m a different person at home too. I’m currently blaming my irrational outbursts on Festive Cabin Fever, which is exacerbated by too many films with happy endings and all the adverts with happy families. Still, at least there is the Carter family to remind me that things could be worse…

    At work, when I am at the office, there are only three other people. I have got used to them, and trust them. This means they are subjected to the Real Me more often than anyone else. They get the good bits where I tell stories of guess-what-happened-to-me which are of course, always hilarious. They also get the sweary rants when I am quite peeved. They get the silence of when I am mildly miffed or perhaps actually working. A couple of times they’ve had the snotty tearful me when I was a bit overwhelmed.

    The Rest of the World gets Chameleon Me; I have developed this knack of being who I need to be, usually understanding and grounded with a pinch of wit.

    The Kid and Him get all of the above, in varying measures. I have always made a point of apologising to the Kid after an Irrational Outburst, because all they can be directed at him, they are never about him. He needs to know that. On the other hand, outbursts at Him tend to feel justified and I rarely apologise. But then He never acknowledges his psychosis. I believe I am better than Him because I have insight to know when it is happening. He does not. And I try really hard not to dwell on how much of this toxicity will seep through into my Kid.

    • It’s really difficult not to influence the children with these outbursts. I haven’t got any children of my own yet but I want to be able to control my anger before I become a parent.

      I like the whole idea of the chameleon. I too have a tendency to become part of the environment I am in just so that I can fit in. It can be difficult sometimes and at other times I don’t even realise. I haven’t been working long at the place I work at and I am often working in different places so that has an impact on it as well.

      It’s just so hard to be me and please people at the same time. And unless I change myself, this problem will remain.

      • So far the Kid is more grounded than I have ever been. He’s on the verge of teenage hormones, and I am anxious about this, because like many people, that’s when my problems started. I expect him to go the same way, which is ridiculous, because he is such a different person from me. He takes everything in his stride. Even if that changes a bit for a few years, the Real Kid is bound to come back.

        I work for a small charity. The Voluntary sector tends to be more accepting of people being truer to themselves. There are many environments in which my chameleon skills would be more challenged, such as Corporate Land, Retail and maybe working in a factory.

      • That’s true. Different work environments would call for different personalities to be portrayed so that the best career prospects could be attained.

        Teenage years are when the problems start, there is no doubt about it. It’s like when the different personalities of a child clash within themselves and there is confusion as to who is actually in charge. It’s usually the more dominant styles such as anger and resentment that come out on top.

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